Jason Todd Babysits
by Bannedbookreader
Summary: Dick suckers Jason into babysitting his kids. The result? Shattered plates, Dr. Suss, and a very confused pizza man. Just a really stuip story that I had to put somewhere.
1. Chapter 1

Jason Todd Babysits

"Can I order a pizza?" James' voice broke though Jason's thoughts.

"If you have money, but considering your nine probably not." Somehow Dick had suckered him into watching his two children. Yeah sure he though they where cute when they where babies and he had really nothing to do with them, but kids?

"Dad left money for food because he said that we'd all die of food poisoning if you cooked." James leaned forward on the cabinet smirking at the back of his 'uncle's' head. Jason didn't turn around to look at the green eyed little boy but waved his hand in the air in submission. He closed his eyes trying to remember how he got in this situation.

_"You are quite literally the last person I would ask." Nightwing's eyes widened under the mask as if to make the point more clear. _

_"Then why are you?" The brown leather cracked when Red Hood crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn't liking this at all._

_ "Because everyone, and I mean everyone, was busy other than you." _

_"And I'm not?" _

_"Are you?" _

_"...That's not the point you shouldn't just assume that I'm available. What about Alfred?"_

_ "Britain. It's his brother's birthday."_

_ "He has a brother?"_

_ "And a niece. Not the point." Red Hood let out a sigh. "Fine." Nightwing gave a triumphed smirk._

Jason was brought out the memory by the blue eyed little girl that climbed on to his lap. Her raven hair was pulled into two pigtails and she was staring up at him expectantly. "What?" James' snickered at the confused tone in Jason's voice. He was really starting to not like that kid. Mary held up a Dr. Suss book.

"Daddy reads to me."

"I'm not your daddy."

"Can I read to you?"

"You can read?"

"I_ am_ five." Jason blinked, he wasn't really sure what age was average to read a Dr. Suss book. "Oh. Okay then." In the background he could hear James ordering a large meat lovers supreme with pineapples and a two litter of CoolWinds Soda. Mary kept staring at him and it was making him nervous. "Can I read to you or not?" "Um. Sure?" Another snicker from the kitchen. Mary set off on the tail of Sam I Am and everything was fine for about a good two whole minutes.

There was a large crash from behind him and Jason knew he would be blamed for the shattered plates. He stood up not thinking about Mary and she tumbled to the floor and hit her head on the coffee table letting out a blood curling yell. Jason winced and did his best not to swear. If he did James was likely to tell his parents about Jason's horrible mouth. He set the little girl on the sofa and checked for blood. There was none, but she still needed ice. Once he was the kitchen the sight that greeted him was one of shattered plates and silent swears from the kneeling nine year old who was desperately trying to pick up the large pieces of glass. Jason stepped over James figuring that he had it under control and approached the freezer. Thankfully Dick and Babs already had some pre-made baggies of ice. He reached for one and his ears where assaulted by perfused swearing from his nephew. He spun on his heel. James was clutching his hand which was now covered in red sticky liquid. Jason let out a groan. Now he had a screaming five year old and bleeding nine year old. This is why he doesn't babysit. He shoved the ice bag into his pocket and admittedly regretted it. Next he threw James over one shoulder earning loud protests. He marched into the living room and tossed his nephew next to Mary. He pushed the ice bag against Mary's head and put her hand on top of it so that she was holding it there. He held up is finger to indicate one minute to his nephew.

It didn't take long to find the first aid kit in the bathroom. Sitting on the coffee table he began to patch up James' hand. Struggling to keep it in place after dumping rubbing alcohol over the cut. Thankfully it wasn't to deep and didn't need stitches. He began applying the bandage when a knock on the door echoed through the small apartment. "Finish this." Jason pushed the gauze into James' good hand and made his was to the door earning a 'Hey! I'm nine! My mom does this stuff!' from James. The pizza guy looked slightly confused hearing the protests from the young man. He was holding about five large boxes of pizza and a bag with of about three two-litters. _How much money did Grayson leave?_

"Just give me a minute to find where my brother hides the money." The pizza man nodded slightly. Jason turned around and James was scary close holding a fist full of cash. At first James wouldn't hand over the money but finally Jason was able to pay the very confused pizza man.

"What was that about?!"

"I enjoy aggravating you."

"Like father like son."

"Mary is more like dad then I am." Jason ran his hand through his hair. This was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Jason Todd Babysits Part 2

Jason propped his feet up on the coffee table, finally reaching some sort of peace. James was laying on the sofa next to him ear buds ,blasting so loud Jason could almost make out the words, casually bobbing his head. Mary was sitting on the floor eating pizza and watching whatever cartoon James had changed it to. Jason was tempted to change it but didn't want to disturb the delicate peace he had created, so he sucked it up and watched the cartoon about the federal agent dog that was really kinda stupid.

His trained eyes caught strange movement from where Mary sat. After further inspection he saw that she had placed her plate under the coffee table with a full slice of pizza. Next she casually reached for another slice. Jason blinked trying to figure out if this was normal. **The little girl looked at him baby blues shinning, it was defiantly cute but he was not about to admit that. James pulled one ear bud out after feeling his uncles weight shift on the sofa. **

** Uncle Jay? That was new, not two hours ago he was 'that assassin man that was babysitting her'. He tried not to be offend. It did help a little when her parents corrected her saying that he was not , in fact, an assassin only trained by them. **

** The slice in her hand didn't really defend that statement. **

** He was cut off mid-sentence by his more than a little bit annoying nephew. **

** Jason winced. He saw the sauce but was hoping that was something he could ignore. He had seen enough blood for one night and he killed people for a living. Of course it was only people that deserved it, despite the consent lecture about 'we are not judge, jury, and executor! It's not your place!' from pretty much every member of his 'family'. **

** The little girl suck out her bottom lip. Somehow she manged to make her eyes wider. No wonder she had Grayson wrapped around that finger of her's. He's face truth serum, potential loss of loved ones, and torturer; yet this little girl was making him want to cave. Just let her hide her pizza for who knows what. If his pride wasn't on the line maybe he would cave. **

** She let out a short quick breath and stood up. She put the slice she was eating down and reached for the one under the table. She made her way to the hallway's rounded door frame before looking over her shoulder at Jason. She wanted him to follow, he got the message. James seemed to be in some sort of shock but shook it off and did a back flip over the back of the sofa. Running he got in front of Mary and gave her a dire look. She let out a low whimper and grabbed her Uncle's leg, the pizza nearly falling on the floor. James seemed shocked. Jason, not sure what to do, patted the girl on the head. **

** He looked at the girl who stared back up at him. James threw his arms in the air before dropping to one knee. **

** He expression was much softer and Mary looked at him puzzled. **

** Snowball? An imaginary friend. Jason almost laughed. Pizza for an imaginary friend. **

** Mary let out a small laugh. **

** Jason crossed his arms over his chest earning a half confused half stunned look James. James stood there while the other two passed him. He got over it after a minute and caught up. Mary was having problems opening the door with out have the pizza slide off the paper plate. Jason casually pushed the girl to the side and opened her bedroom door for her. In about two seconds flat he was on his back and large black furry thing was on top of him, wagging it's tail so much little Mary might get blown away. A long pink sticky tongue ran over his face. He tried his hardest not to swear he really did. **

** Dick was going to kill him.**


End file.
